An article by Paul Betney

DISABILITY NOW ARTICLE 2007

I think it’s fair to say that my life should have been a bit of a dark place recently as nestled gently in between the 10th anniversary of the death of “the best mother in the world” and the anniversary of the greatest act of terrorism ever was my 40th birthday. Normally a time for some serious reflection and contemplation on the fact that “SHIT! I’m getting old!” But I must admit that it’s all passed off rather well. In fact, I really don’t see what all the fuss is about.
Possibly though I have an unfair advantage? You see, for the last 18 years I’ve suffered from an extremely violent and debilitating body tremor until about four months ago when the doctors finally came through for me and put me on a course of medication that has all but completely brought the tremor under control. It’s been quite a turn around! And rather than feeling 40 I feel more like I’m 5 – although friends and family assure me that that’s how I’ve always behaved!
Everyone I know has been completely amazed, as indeed have I! It’s been an amazing time! And lots of people have asked me lots of questions: “How does it feel?”, “What do you want to do now that it’s stopped that you couldn’t do before?” But I think the most interesting question posed has definitely been, “Is there anything you miss about shaking like that?”
It’s the best, because oddly enough, the answer is yes, there is. In fact there are a couple of things. First is the sex. I don’t think that’ll ever be quite the same without the added vibration boost – although blow jobs will be easier to organize now, no more impressions of an attempt at air to air refuelling in a typhoon. And from here on in I’ll have to go to the gym to keep my butt toned.
And although I definitely don’t miss people saying stupid stuff like: “You just need to relax” or “calm down”, I must admit that the thing I miss most is being able to tell them to “fuck off”! It gave a deep sense of personal satisfaction that I am at a loss as to where else to find.
I tended to get a lot of that, especially at family events when I saw people I hadn’t seen in a while and wouldn’t see again until the next family occasion. I guess in their minds it was quite a tidy theory: I shook and swore at them because I was “highly strung”. I wonder what they’ll make of me now that I’ve stopped shaking?
“Oh, Paul, you’re so much better since you’ve calmed down.”
“Oh fuck off.”
“Hmmm… now you’re just an arsehole.”
I wonder if I could plead Tourettes.
Life truly is an adventure and it begins right here!